How do you know the relationship is over, especially if you aren’t near the person every day? Ending a long-distance relationship can be challenging for many people, especially considering the time and energy they may have invested in it. “It may take longer in long-term relationships to notice signs or ‘red flags’ because you notice them through mostly verbal communication, making it challenging to see actions or behavior that match the words,” says therapist Dominique Mortier. “Prioritizing your well-being is essential; remember, every relationship should enhance, not hinder, your journey toward personal fulfillment.”
She believes navigating these challenges requires honest conversations about each partner’s needs, wants, desires, and expectations. If these conversations don’t improve, going to couples therapy might help.
Recognizing when a long-distance relationship isn’t serving your emotional and personal well-being is crucial. Here are clear indicators that it might be time to reconsider your relationships with therapists Nikquan Lewis and Dominique Mortier’s tips.
Consistency: A lack of consistency and reliability may impact your ability to trust your partner. For example, your partner may tell you they will call but don’t, even though you have been waiting for their call.
Dishonesty: Dishonesty or omitting information under the guise that they forgot or did not think it was necessary.
Abuse: Emotional or verbal abuse. This includes gaslighting, which can look like denying that your perspective or emotions are valid and trying to manipulate or control what you believe.
Doubting yourself: Questioning whether you are “good enough” for your partner can happen when you believe you are doing everything you can to change or meet your partner’s needs. Still, the same conflict arises multiple times with no resolution.
The future feels uncertain: You can no longer see a fulfilling future with your partner. This can be for various reasons, including if your goals for life are no longer aligned or if there is no plan for the long distance to end.
Disinterest in communication: If talking or interacting with your partner is no longer enjoyable and feels more like an obligation or distraction.
Having the same arguments: Revisiting the same conflict multiple times with no changes can happen if someone in the relationship is unwilling to change, refuses to take accountability, or blames the other person for all of the relationship’s challenges.
Lack of effort: You may be putting effort into connecting but not noticing your partner’s effort. This can lead to resentment in the relationship and one person not feeling desired or wanted.
Different values: If your values impact your ability to stay in the relationship or if your values are significantly different, it may be difficult for your partner to understand why the value is important to you.
Emotionally shut down: If there is no willingness or openness to listen or validate your concerns. Many people in long-distance relationships avoid discussing the physical distance because it is not in their control. Not being willing to validate or listen to your feelings of frustration or loneliness can be invalidating and is a barrier to communication in the relationship.
Loss of Intimacy: You no longer feel excited by interactions or quality time, indicating a cooling of emotional investment and bringing about feelings of disconnect.
Frequent Doubts: Ongoing suspicions without resolution can kill trust, which is crucial for the health of any relationship.
Communication Breakdowns: If interactions become infrequent or feel like a chore, it signifies a deteriorating connection.
Life Overhaul: Significant personal changes leading to different paths can reduce compatibility. Opposites attract does not always apply.
Effort Imbalance: If one or both partners aren’t making an effort, it can signify a shift in priorities away from the relationship.
Overconsumption of Your Life: If the relationship starts negatively impacting other areas of your life, it might be time to reassess. This can look like signs of codependency, where other areas of your life receive little attention.
Feeling Stuck: Staying out of obligation, not desire, suggests the relationship isn’t fulfilling, and it may be time to move on.
Growing Apart: Different life stages or interests can lead to a natural change in direction from each other.
Feeling Restrained: If the relationship prevents personal growth, it may not fit.
Anxiety and Distress: More pain than joy from the relationship is a strong signal that the dynamics aren’t healthy.
