Couple-Care: Josh & Courtnie | Essence

Couple-Care is a monthly series highlighting inspiring couples in our community. Each couple discusses how “couple-care” sustains their relationship, the self-care lessons they’ve learned from one another, and more.

They say opposites attract, but sometimes two big personalities can be perfect for one another, too. That’s certainly the case for newly engaged musical artist Courtnie and YouTube Sports Partnerships Manager Josh Carroll. The New York-based pair formally met, when they were 18, at USC, and wouldn’t have assumed they’d be here today from first impressions on Facebook.

“We’ve both always had such strong personalities,” Courtnie, who was raised between St. Louis and Chicago, says. “He was posting videos of himself rapping and I was on the group wall, oversharing about my struggle to decide between USC & Spelman,” she recalls. “We still get teased about it to this day.”

At the end of the day, a true friendship is at the foundation of their nearly 10-year relationship, while couple-care practices like biking, baths, couples therapy, and massages keep things strong.

“By junior year we were real friends, hanging out more often, and started to take a clear liking to each other,” Carroll– a Cali-native– explains before Courtnie chimes in. “We were really just acquaintances until he started acting different!” That was, of course, until he finally heard her sing. “Then he called me his wife on Twitter which I laughed off. Now I’m really about to be that!”

Below, the lovebirds go into detail about what couple-care means to their relationship, how they stay grounded, and more. 

Their favorite couple-care memory

Courtnie: It’s a simple memory, but a couple of years ago we sat around with face masks on during our first trip upstate. Then, we stepped outside of our cabin to roast marshmallows and play a game around the firepit. Face masks and fire pits in the mountains are my ultimate idea of a good time, and I remember feeling so content and blessed to be able to share it with someone I’m so in love with.

Josh: Funny enough my memory is also upstate, and it’s the couples massage we got the morning after we got engaged.

Their individual self-care routines

Courtnie: Me and baths have really tightened our bond over the last few years in particular. My brain can be so busy and full of noise. I’ve found baths to be a great way to forcibly slow down and calm my mind and spirit. It’s also the perfect time for me to play back the new music I’m working on, since I don’t drive a car in New York.

Josh: I’ve been getting mani-pedis since I was a kid. It’s a time I always enjoyed with my mom and sister and it just felt like I was truly taking time out of my day to relax. I’ve kept this up into adulthood, and in New York, in particular, where you’re on your feet all day everyday, a pedicure goes a long way. You’ll catch me opting in for that foot massage every time. 

Their joint wellness routine

Josh: Although we often end up working out at different times, I think we’ve done a great job of encouraging each other in that department.

Courtnie: Now that we’re doing this interview, I think I’d like to get back into biking together! Some of my favorite memories with him over the last decade have been biking down the South Shore lakefront in Chicago near where my family lives.

The self-care lessons they’ve learned from one another

Courtnie: He’s taught me how to live in the present. As someone who can lean toward anxiousness, who obsesses over the future, and who often leaves social settings feeling drained, I honestly don’t know what I’d do without someone like him. He prides himself on approaching life moment by moment, day by day. I see how it helps him move through the world and, in time, I’ve begun to embody it myself. To me, the act of being present is the ultimate form of self-care.

Josh: Courtnie has definitely helped me improve my skin care routine exponentially. I can’t lie, I was using body lotion on my face before we got together and calling it a day. Now I’m the one telling folks to make sure they’re applying their daily SPF. Courtnie also helped me see therapy in a positive light. These negative connotations about it can often be instilled in us growing up, especially as young Black men. While I’m still looking for the right match for my individual therapist, our couples therapist Deja has been amazing for nearly two years now.

The products they’ve introduced to one another

Courtnie: I don’t use it, but I had no idea what that sponge thing for Black men’s hair was until we got together [laughs].

Josh: Man, I remember hearing the sounds of heaven when we first moved in together and I opened her medicine cabinet. I had to ask her for the exact names of all these products, but apparently I stay using her Fresh Kombucha Facial Essence, her Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Face Oil, her Topicals eye masks, and her jade roller.

Why couple-care is important to their relationship

Josh: I definitely feel like I have to be my best self in order to be the best partner, friend, brother, son and so on. Self and couple care is a big part of that for me. There’s just something about knowing you’re being intentional about what you need to do to show up, as the best version of yourself, in this crazy world. 

Courtnie: It’s really difficult to be kind to the people around you if you aren’t kind to yourself. To me kindness, compassion, and empathy are essential to flourishing relationships, and my romantic relationship is no different. Self-care is also helpful for conflict resolution. I often say that one of my favorite things about our relationship in recent years is that we’ve learned to “fight well.” We may bicker, but we don’t have huge blow ups in large part because of the inner and joint work we’ve done. In addition to other tools, self-care is a great way to take a beat, tap in with our minds and bodies, and reset so that we can continue to show up as our most authentic and well-intentioned selves.

Credits:

Photographer/Stylist: Tyler Esosa Okuns

Clothing brands photographed: PH5, Nia Thomas, UGG

Hair: Brittany Gay-Taplin

Makeup: Brianna Black

Photo editor: Kenneth Pizzo